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No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame, by Janet Lansbury
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Review
"An effective, respectful approach to discipline requires a new lens, a lens that differs from many of the most common approaches to discipline.  No Bad Kids offers that lens, providing practical ways to respond to the challenges of toddlerhood while nurturing a respectful relationship with your child. This book empowers parents to calmly address behaviors while honoring kids' feelings and experiences, thus giving them discipline experiences that help their developing brains thrive."  - Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, co-author of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline                                                                                                      "Powerful, inspirational, and supportive. Janet Lansbury has expanded and built upon what Magda Gerber originally taught and modeled, while remaining true to the original philosophy. This is an indispensable guide."  - Lisa Sunbury, RegardingBaby.org"Whenever I have moments of doubt or confusion -- surrounding tantrums, moving, new schools, etc.-- I often turn to Janet Lansbury's website. I've mentioned it a few times because her thoughtful advice always rings true. She clearly respects children and reminds you that they're whole people in need of gentle love and compassion -- even when they're driving you bats:) Her books about parenting and discipline reflect this wonderful approach." - Joanna Goddard, A CUP OF JO
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Product details
Paperback: 162 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform; 1 edition (September 18, 2014)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1499351119
ISBN-13: 978-1499351118
Product Dimensions:
5.2 x 0.4 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
463 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#1,608 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This is less a book about troubleshooting unwanted behavior as it is a book about helping you communicate with your kiddo in a respectful way. The rationale is that if you view and speak to your child with respect, they will become fully functional children. It works. I don't know what happens when a kid turns three, but the insanity drove me to buy this book. I read it in two sittings, and followed the model conversations to the letter. It worked really well. There are no shortcuts or quick fixes, but after a week of respectful parenting, we had a different toddler on our hands.
I learned immensely from this book. I have a 4 y.o. boy who struggles hard with the arrival of his baby sister. Because I have worked with kids for years as a teacher, I thought I was prepared for anything parenthood might bring. I was wrong. And lost. Janet restored my confidence, taught me super efficient ways to help and parent my kids and has given me food for thought that I am very appreciative of. Highly recommend for parents who want to be gentle but not pushovers, who believe in talking to kids rather than punishing them.
I have read ~75% of this book now, however I can already say that it is a great book. I normally highlight (Kindle version) those parts of a book that I think I will want to come back later and read again (yo know, in order not to have to read the entire book again looking for those key points).With this book I have found that to be somewhere between challenging and completely ineffective, because upon taking the time to meditate on the text, I was highlighting 80% of the book (my standard is 5-10% just in case you were wondering), so I just stopped doing that and figured I would come back later and read it all over again, cause I find it to be that good.
I've been reading and re-reading JL's books for over a year now and truly believe her delivery of Magda Gerber & Dr. Emmy Pickler's practices and advice are very refreshing. Nothing resonated more for me that these three concepts: 1. acknowledging. Don't WE as humans yearn for acknowlegement and respect? Not agreement with everything we do or say - but acknowledgement that we are valid, valued, and in some cases in need of a gentle reminder that there is always room for improvement? 2. Preparing/narrating babies & toddlers as to what we are going to do next, whether to their bodies (lie you down, wipe your bottom) or as an activity. My son doesn't like surprises at all. I try my best to always share what will come next. Again, don't we like to know? I especially appreciate Janet's likening it to being an adult unable to do things for oneself, i.e. In a nursing home. 3. Avoiding speaking in "motherese" and third person. Or any other manner that we wouldn't speak to, say, or spouse or friend. We expect kids to act properly, respect us, and react just as we request (or commonly command), but without displaying this behavior ourselves, it adds a layer of avoidable confusion to already conflicted little kids developing normally.
This is a must-read for any young parent or parent of a toddler. I found Lansbury's book through her website, which I found from a colleague. As a licensed mental health professional, this respectful, communicative approach to discipline and respect for your child speaks volumes to me. It just makes sense.As a parent, I also subscribe to much of Maria Montessori's philosophy, and RIE (the parenting philosophy developed by Magda Gerber that this book is based on) are very similar. In many ways, Montessori and RIE compliment each other. I've read texts by both Gerber and Montessori directly, and I must say that Janet Lansbury's books are more practically helpful. While Gerber and Montessori's original texts are very inspiring philosophically, what I appreciate about Lansbury's book are the practical examples. There's a bit of a "script" that she reiterates throughout the book that I find incredibly valuable.The book isn't perfect, however. I do wish it was more carefully edited. I've read Lansbury's blog, and many of the best posts are in the book - I haven't read her blog extensively, so perhaps the entire book is simply a print version of her blog. While I love her conversational writing voice, there are a few typos (it's "such-and-such" not "such-in-such"), and areas where I wish she had expanded (a good editor would have helped here). A few of the chapters were simply examples and I would have appreciate a bit more insight from Lansbury herself, rather than being left to infer the message/meaning simply from reprinting other parent's letters (remember, we're exhausted, sleep-deprived parents of toddlers reading this! We need simplicity and repetition!). Other than these nit-picky issues, I find this to be an invaluable book. I will be reading and re-reading this book in the few years to come. Highly recommended to any parent or caregiver of a toddler!
This book is an amazing tool for any parent! Her writing is concise and to the point with many examples of written letters and emails from parents she’s helped in the past.So far the tool that’s most changed our day to day is giving our toddler (21 months) choices! Seems so obvious now but before this book I felt like he was just hearing “no†all day long! For example, after nap we usually play outback, I don’t want his blanket he sleeps with brought outside to get all dirty. Try to just take it? Ha! Good luck. Now I can say something like, “I don’t want your blanket outside, it’ll get all dirty and we need it clean for bedtime. Would you like to leave it on the table or the couch?†He’ll choose one then go play! Give options that you’re ok with either choice. There are countless tips like this in the book. It’s a short read in pages but not in information. Every sentence is packed full.
Really helpful info when your kid is hitting that 2 1/2 - 3yr old boundary pushing behavior and you feel like abandoning a gentle parenting approach, this helps you understand from their perspective and offers great advice.
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